I’m Kayla. I’m a trans woman. I spent a year testing dating apps and sites that say they’re good for us. Some were kind. Some were rough. A few were real keepers.
You know what? I didn’t expect to find peace on a dating app. But I found small moments. Like warm pancakes. Like boring, lovely laughter. Let me explain. I kept a longer diary of every swipe and date in my unfiltered field notes.
How I Set Myself Up
- I wrote “trans woman” in my bio. Short. Clear.
- I used recent photos. One with glasses. One smiling, no filter.
- I met in public spots. Coffee shops. A diner with good syrup.
- I told a friend my plan and shared my location.
For extra profile-building tips, I leaned on this comprehensive guide and stole a few tricks that genuinely worked.
For a quick refresher on staying secure while you swipe, I bookmarked this no-nonsense safety checklist for trans online daters and peeked at it whenever nerves crept in.
Was I perfect? Nope. I still got weird messages. But I felt safer.
OkCupid: Slow, Sweet, and Nerdy
OkCupid gave me pronoun and identity choices that felt real. I liked the questions. Stuff like, “Do you care about pets on the bed?” I said yes, because my cat runs the house.
- Good: I had steady chats. People read my profile. One teacher liked board games. We met at a board game cafe. We played Guess Who and laughed at our own bad jokes.
- Meh: It’s a little slow. Some folks never meet up.
- Bad: A few people checked the “looking for trans women” box and treated me like a category. I blocked fast.
Still, I kept it. It felt honest.
Hinge: Cute Prompts, Nosy DMs
Hinge has those little prompts. I used, “We’d get along if you love breakfast for dinner.” It worked. Two coffee dates in a rainy fall week.
- Good: Easy first lines. People actually asked me out.
- Meh: Fewer gender settings than OkCupid, so I wrote “trans” in my bio.
- Bad: One guy asked a body question on message two. I said, “Nope.” Then I unmatched. Boundaries are a thing.
I like Hinge for simple dates. It’s like a warm hoodie—basic, but it fits.
HER: Feels Like a Community Room
HER is for queer women and non-binary folks. I used it during Pride month. They had in-app event posts. I joined a trivia night at a bookstore. My team lost. I still had fun.
- Good: Safer vibe. Events helped me meet people without pressure.
- Meh: If you live in a small town, there may be fewer matches.
- Bad: Some features sit behind a paywall, like changing distance a lot.
I met a woman who brought grapes to a picnic. We talked music and sunscreen. No sparks, but it felt easy.
Taimi: Bright Lights, Busy Chats
Taimi is very LGBTQ+. Lots of stories, video features, and pushy pop-ups.
- Good: I met a nail tech who helped me pick a soft pink shade on video chat. That was cute.
- Meh: Many messages, not many meets.
- Bad: A few profiles felt like bots. I used the account check and stuck with verified people.
Taimi is loud, like a neon sign. Fun for attention, but I got tired.
Feeld: Honest, But Know Your Lines
Feeld is where people list what they’re into, straight up. You can pick “trans woman” as an identity. I wrote my boundaries on my profile: “Coffee first. No pressure. No secrets.”
- Good: Clear labels helped. I matched with a couple who wanted new friends. We only had coffee and traded soup recipes.
- Meh: Some folks only saw me as a “fantasy.”
- Tip: Say your limits early. Then stick to them.
I don’t use it for romance much. But I met decent people who respect no.
Grindr: Blunt, Fast, Not My Date App
I used Grindr when I moved. I turned off “show distance” and set a simple profile.
- Good: A local trans group chat invited me to a swap meet. I found a cozy sweater.
- Meh: Lots of NSFW messages.
- Bad: Not much dating energy. More late-night stuff.
It’s fine if you’re careful. Not where I found dates, though.
That said, if your goal is less Sunday-brunch sweetness and more playful, no-strings fun, you might want to check out hookup-focused platforms before diving in. I found this candid BeNaughty review helpful because it spells out who actually uses the site, how the safety and verification tools work, and what the upgrade costs look like—letting you decide if its flirty vibe fits your comfort zone. Likewise, anyone passing through Georgia and interested in seeing what's buzzing beyond mainstream apps could peek at the revived local listings on Backpage Smyrna to get a quick snapshot of who's offering casual meet-ups and events in that area.
MyTransgenderDate: Calmer Space, Real Dates
This site is built for trans women and our matches. Profiles are longer. Staff checks some stuff, and that helped me breathe.
- Good: Fewer “chasers.” More people who asked about books and Sunday plans.
- Real date: We met at a diner with sticky menus and perfect pancakes. He brought a small flower. We talked about dog names. It felt safe and simple.
- Meh: Some features cost money after a bit.
- Bad: Smaller pool than big apps.
When I wanted a real, steady date, this one did the job.
Lex: Words First, Then Coffee
Lex is text-based. Posts read like tiny ads. I wrote, “Trans woman seeks buddy for thrift stores and bad puns.”
- Good: Less looks pressure. More vibe.
- Real meet: A poet messaged me a joke about cereal. We met at a flea market. Zero romance, but we high-fived over a weird lamp.
- Meh: Slow. But kind.
It’s great for friends and soft starts.
City vs. Small Town
In the city, I got more matches, faster. But I also got more rude messages. In my small town, matches were slower. Yet dates showed up on time, with more care. Funny, right? Both can work. For a broader look at how dating vibes shift from Boston to Boise to Berlin, I logged nine cities' worth of experiences in this cross-country report.
What I Kept (and What I Didn’t)
- I kept: OkCupid, Hinge, HER, MyTransgenderDate, and Lex.
- Sometimes: Feeld, for honest chats.
- Rarely: Taimi, when I want to be social and loud.
- Not for dating: Grindr, but I kept it for community info.
If you're curious how the biggest mainstream apps fared for me in a later experiment, I broke that down in this 2025 mega-review.
Tiny Tips I Tell My Friends
- Say you’re trans on your profile. It filters out nonsense.
- First date? Daytime. Public. Text a friend your plan.
- If someone is rude, block fast. Don’t explain.
- Take breaks. Your heart needs rest.
- Use verification when it’s there.
- Keep snacks in your bag. Low blood sugar makes bad choices.
If you want an even deeper dive on protecting your data and heart in queer spaces, the folks at PrivacyJournal have a step-by-step LGBTQ online safety guide that’s worth ten minutes of reading.
So… Did I Find Love?
Not yet. But I found peace in how I date. I learned my voice. I learned to walk if it feels off. I learned that pancakes on a first date are magic, and so is saying no.
If you’re trans and thinking about it, start small. Try one site with good filters (OkCupid). Try one built for us (MyTransgenderDate). Add one community app (HER or Lex). Then listen to your gut.
You deserve care, not crumbs. And hey—if you end up with a weird lamp and a new friend? That counts as a win too.
—Kayla Sox