I’m a widow. I didn’t plan to date again. Who does? But life got quiet. Too quiet. My sister sat at my table, slid her phone over, and said, “Just try.” So I did. I spent nine months on apps. I had coffee, cried in a parking lot twice, and learned a lot. You know what? It wasn’t all bad.
Here’s my honest take. I’ve used these apps, met real people, and made real mistakes. I’ll tell you what worked for me, what didn’t, and the small things that made me feel safe.
The First Hurdle: Saying I’m a Widow
I didn’t say it on my profile at first. I thought it would scare folks off. Then a date said, “Why didn’t you tell me?” That felt worse. So I added one plain line: “Widow. Healing, but hopeful.” It saved time. It set a tone. Some men got it. A few didn’t. That’s okay. Filters are a gift.
Also, I kept my ring in a little dish by the door. That was a big step. It hurt. But it helped me walk out and be present.
Apps I Actually Used (and How They Felt)
- Bumble: I liked that I messaged first. It gave me control. Less “Hey dear.” More real talk. I met a kind widower here. We traded dog pics and grief tips. We met for coffee near a big window. He brought tissues. I cried. He didn’t flinch. 4/5.
- Hinge: The prompts made it easy to start. I answered, “A simple pleasure: hot biscuits and a loud laugh.” People replied to that line a lot. Good for slower starts. 4/5.
- eHarmony: The long quiz felt like homework. But it slowed me down, which I needed. Matches were fewer, but calmer. 3.5/5.
- Match: Big pool, mixed vibes. I got some sweet folks, also some pushy ones. A man told me, “You need to move on fast.” I blocked him and ate tacos. 3/5.
- Widowsorwidowers: Small pool, but gentle energy. Fewer messages. More patience. 3.5/5.
- Facebook Dating: Casual. A bit messy. Lots of “Hey queen” and “What’s your WhatsApp?” I learned to hit block without guilt. 2.5/5.
If you’re navigating the apps as a curvy or plus-size person, this candid rundown of BBW-friendly platforms helped me spot spaces that felt welcoming: I tried BBW dating sites so you don’t have to (but hey, you might want to).
None were magic. But each gave me a different pace. That mattered.
If you happen to live near the Hudson Valley and prefer the familiarity of local classifieds over big-name apps, the community board at Backpage Hudson lets you browse real-time listings from people who are already nearby, helping you line up low-key coffee dates without the long-distance guesswork.
Real Moments That Stuck
- The scammer test: One guy said he was “working on an oil rig.” He asked for gift cards. I laughed out loud. Then I reported him. If they won’t video chat, they don’t get my time.
- The farmer’s market date: We met on Hinge. He was a teacher. We walked past honey, tried peach slices, and talked about our kids. He asked, “What days are hard for you?” I said, “Wednesdays.” He nodded like he understood. We didn’t kiss. We made peach cobbler two weeks later. Simple felt safe.
- The grief clash: One date compared me to his late wife, right in the middle of soup. I felt my face burn. I told him, “I can’t be her.” He said, “I know.” But he didn’t. We left it there. It still taught me something: I can be kind and still walk out.
Safety Stuff I Do Every Single Time
- I video chat before we meet. Ten minutes. It helps.
- I meet by daylight. Coffee shop. Near the front. Car in sight.
- My sister tracks my phone. I send her a code word if I want an “emergency call.”
- I pay for my coffee. No strings tied to a latte.
- I never share my kids’ details. Not their school. Not their schedule.
I brushed up on best-practice advice ahead of every meet-up, and Women’s Weekly’s no-nonsense online dating safety guide set a clear baseline for what I deserved. LiveUp also offers a concise checklist of safe-online-dating tips that I keep pinned in my notes app for quick reminders.
I also bookmarked InternetDating.net, whose safety guides gave me clear, step-by-step reminders whenever I felt wobbly. Their in-depth piece on the highs and lows of online dating for widows felt like someone put my own journey into words.
Was I scared at first? Yes. Did that fade? A bit. Courage grew as I kept small promises to myself.
How I Wrote My Profile (Without Crying Every Time)
I used three clear photos. One with my dog. One in my kitchen with flour on my sweater. One in sunlight, no filter. My bio was short:
“I bake biscuits. I love loud porch laughs. Widow. Kind heart, healthy boundaries. Let’s start with a walk.”
That last line helped me keep it slow.
Things I Got Wrong (And Fixed)
- I texted late at night when I was sad. I don’t now. I sleep on big feelings.
I also wrestled with whether a playful selfie might slide into territory I wasn’t ready for. For a level-headed breakdown of how to decide when a flirty photo is fun and when it tips into oversharing, the piece Snap or Sext? lays out clear consent cues and privacy safeguards that helped me draw my own line.
- I said yes to a second date because I felt bad saying no. Never again.
- I kept his birthday on my calendar. I took it off. I still honor my late husband. I just don’t carry it into a new thing.
Grief is heavy. But it doesn’t get to drive.
Red Flags I Watch For
- Love bombing: “I’ve never felt this way on day two.” Nope.
- Money talk or gift cards. Bye.
- No video. Or weird excuses. “My camera is broken.” Sure.
- Fast pressure: “Delete the app now.” Not yet, my friend.
- Wants a nurse, not a partner. You can feel it.
Small Wins That Told Me I Was Ready
I laughed at a dumb pun and didn’t feel guilty. I planned a date on a Saturday and didn’t cancel from fear. I could say my husband’s name without shrinking. That’s when I knew I could hold both love and loss.
Holiday and Anniversary Season Tips
- Tell dates what weeks are hard for you. I say, “Early May is rough. Be patient with me.”
- Plan soft plans: a short walk, a movie, a baked potato bar at home with a friend on standby.
- Carry tissues. And gum. You’ll be okay.
My Short, Handy List
- Say you’re a widow if you want fewer surprises.
- Meet in daylight. Share your location.
- Keep first dates short. One hour is plenty.
- Take your time. You can pause and come back.
- Be gentle with yourself the day after. Big feelings can land late.
Final Verdict
Internet dating didn’t fix my grief. It did give me porch laughs, kind company, and the courage to try. Some dates turned into friends. One turned into a steady Sunday walk. That counts.
If you’re a widow and you’re curious, you’re already brave. Take small steps. Keep your soft heart safe. And if you only get a good cup of coffee and a story to tell? That’s still a win.